![]() ![]() Sure, sometimes he sleeps, but sometimes he can go for days without doing so. Bon Jovi has almost superhuman abilities. And no matter how callous you think you are to the attributes of criminals, you may want to brace yourself. There is other information I need to share with you about Bon Jovi. Reports differ on whether he uses it as a sort of crossbow or whether it’s actually a guitar that he plays with such shocking mastery as to render victims helpless. Bon Jovi is also armed with a loaded six-string that he carries on his back. Bullets can’t even penetrate this horse, much less stop it. This thing is exactly like a Thoroughbred, only much larger and made from an incredibly resilient alloy. And don’t think this is some sort of comical clunky robot horse with whimsical hydraulic sound effects and extraneous flashing lights. Plenty of petty-theft and lewd-behavior calls. Granted, it’s fairly routine for cowboys to run afoul of the law, especially in the winter, when the work and money dry up and they’ve got time on their hands. Who is Bon Jovi? Well, to begin with, he’s a cowboy. But I urge you to pay close attention in your pursuit of Mr. I’m sure you think they’re essentially all the same and that only the names have changed. ![]() I realize many of you have become cynical about the all-points bulletins issued for dangerous criminals. Attention, all law enforcement in the region: ![]()
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